He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
