I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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