How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
