Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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