That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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