Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
