My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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