I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
