My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
