She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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