Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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