I wanna passion pit in your ass
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
