sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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