I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
