3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize