Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
