my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
