did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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