I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
