Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
