help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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