So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
