I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
