Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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