also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
