she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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