Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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