I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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