This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
