I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
