I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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