How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
