Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
