The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
