someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
