he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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