First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
