...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
