friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
