I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
