just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
