I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
