He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
