Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
