no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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