my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
