He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
