I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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