new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
