i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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