Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize