you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
