If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
