So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
