when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
