3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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