Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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