ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
