Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
