I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
