he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
