I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
