I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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