Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
