I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
