so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize