Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize