those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
