Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is wine microwaveable?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
