you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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