I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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