When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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